The shapeless girl

Tosha Siver’s « the wild offering » card deck

When I was a child, I loved being watched by my parents. Playing, baking, doing my homework, coming back home, eating at the table with them.
Their gaze made me feel precious and interesting and special.

I never lived alone. When I left my parent’s home, it was to settle with my boyfriend and finish my studies in the big city. The studies kept me busy for two years, but when they ended, and before I got a job, I realized something terrible.

I didn’t know what to do of myself in the flat when I was alone. Nobody was watching and I felt shapeless, like gas without a container to tell it what it was.
My partner was at work during the day. A growing feeling of misery seeped into me through every pore. Lire la suite

Freestanding self-worth

Tosha Silver’s « the wild offering » card deck

Have you ever « used » others to make you feel better ?
I can say I have. A lot. My friends mostly.

A low self-worth can have us wear our friendships and our loves (however sincere and honestly spontaneous) like jewels : we think « look how they shine ».

We can also lean on our loved ones (siblings and parents as well as friends and lovers) because we believe we don’t have « what it takes » in Life.

And -the most classic one- we can have external self-worth. Which means that it fluctuates depending on your emotional/romantic circumstances. It leads to ideas and beliefs like « being single means that I’m not lovable » or « having a boyfriend/girlfriend much later than other people means there is something wrong with me ».  Lire la suite

The principle of the non-stick pan

When I first landed on a chair in a psychologist’s office, back in 2013, I was SO fed up with feeling certain emotions. Fed up with feeling « less than », overwhelmed by the smallest remark, fed up with being afraid of everything.

I believe that we are all the same and the biggest reason why we finally decide to work with a professional (be it a coach, a healer, a pyshotherapist or a hypnotherapist) is « I really don’t want to feel this [insert the emotion of your choice] again ».

Actually we are almost making a big mistake. But almost. I’ll tell you why.

Lire la suite

« Oh no, I’m doing it for me »

When you are saying « I’m not doing this for the others, but for myself », are you sure ?

Our conditionned self may well be part of our self, yet it works exactly as if it was external. It is an « other » just like everyone else.
That is it that makes us feel guilty (« I have watched a movie instead of writing my article »), that make us preemptively feel ashamed (« I can’t go out like this, I look like shit ») and that, on the whole, abuses us like we would never abuse an other person. Lire la suite