L’entre-deux est un endroit où en général, on n’aime pas être.
On a nos instructions, on a une direction générale, on a commencé le voyage, mais on n’est pas franchement arrivé.e. Peut-être même qu’on vient juste de partir, comme Bilbo Baggins, en oubliant de prendre des mouchoirs de rechange. Et on n’a aucune idée de la durée du chemin.

L’entre-deux, c’est comme marcher sur une congère : parfois c’est stable, et parfois pas. Et on n’a pas le choix que d’y aller un pas à la fois, et de trouver patiemment son équilibre, comment placer son poids sur ses jambes. Et parfois encore, on se retrouve jusqu’aux genoux dans une humidité blanche, froide et qui crisse autour de nous, dont on doit s’extirper en essayant de ne pas se mouiller davantage. Lire la suite

The shapeless girl

Tosha Siver’s « the wild offering » card deck

When I was a child, I loved being watched by my parents. Playing, baking, doing my homework, coming back home, eating at the table with them.
Their gaze made me feel precious and interesting and special.

I never lived alone. When I left my parent’s home, it was to settle with my boyfriend and finish my studies in the big city. The studies kept me busy for two years, but when they ended, and before I got a job, I realized something terrible.

I didn’t know what to do of myself in the flat when I was alone. Nobody was watching and I felt shapeless, like gas without a container to tell it what it was.
My partner was at work during the day. A growing feeling of misery seeped into me through every pore. Lire la suite

Freestanding self-worth

Tosha Silver’s « the wild offering » card deck

Have you ever « used » others to make you feel better ?
I can say I have. A lot. My friends mostly.

A low self-worth can have us wear our friendships and our loves (however sincere and honestly spontaneous) like jewels : we think « look how they shine ».

We can also lean on our loved ones (siblings and parents as well as friends and lovers) because we believe we don’t have « what it takes » in Life.

And -the most classic one- we can have external self-worth. Which means that it fluctuates depending on your emotional/romantic circumstances. It leads to ideas and beliefs like « being single means that I’m not lovable » or « having a boyfriend/girlfriend much later than other people means there is something wrong with me ».  Lire la suite