« The Universe gives us what we need when we stop running after what we do not need », said teacher Serge Boutboul, at the energy course I took with him in 2014.
Already then, these words resonated with me, but I had a little epiphany while remembering them this morning.
When we label negatively a certain type of circumstances in our life, we increase our frustration. We are under the impression of being deprived, opposed, robbed or wronged. I have felt like that for years because I felt an immense lack of love in my life, under all its forms : lack of luck, lack of appreciation, lack of facility to achiev, lack of success, lack of tokens of affection. Every thing that wasn’t going according to my taste, I labelled it « The Univers is against me », and I became terribly controlling.
I litterally started CHASING those things I thought I lacked. I was frantic. I pursued the others’ affection by simpering, by achieving feats that were indeed praiseworthy, but doing so in a catastrophic energy of lack and blindness to my own achievements, by « serving » others to the point of completely neglecting my own needs… in all the areas of my life. I started « working hard », all. the. time. My frustration only increased, of course, because the tenser we get, the more pressure we put on ourselves, the less we ALLOW our life to unfold. It’s as if you were a gardener that pulled the little sprouts of the flowers in order to make them grow faster, uprooting them in so doing.
Yesterday, after a quite pain-full « healing crisis », this behaviour finally healed in me. This very morning, I see life differently. Yes, I have pulled and pushed too much in the past. I have wanted too hard, demanded too hard, craved too hard, and stamped my feet far too often.
I wasn’t open.
I wasn’t receiving.
I didn’t value what I had.
I wasn’t able to appreciate my circumstances, right the way they were.
I wasn’t accepting.
I ran, I chased things I did NOT need. If I had just changed the way I looked at my life, the fog would have lifted, and the Universe would have kindly and gracefully given me what I needed. But I kept pushing it away with my negative attitude, failing to leave it any space to actually help me. What a relief to understand it at last !
Ah ! I’m taking a deep good breath of the spring-like air that flows through my open window, with the taste of my morning coffee still lingering.
It’s a new dawn
It’s a new day
It’s a new life
And I’m feeling good.