When I first landed on a chair in a psychologist’s office, back in 2013, I was SO fed up with feeling certain emotions. Fed up with feeling « less than », overwhelmed by the smallest remark, fed up with being afraid of everything.
I believe that we are all the same and the biggest reason why we finally decide to work with a professional (be it a coach, a healer, a pyshotherapist or a hypnotherapist) is « I really don’t want to feel this [insert the emotion of your choice] again ».
Actually we are almost making a big mistake. But almost. I’ll tell you why.
Emotions are made to be felt. They are signals to the effect that something is not quite right in the lower floors of our psyche. These emotions actually create a path between where the block is and our consciousness. They are like Ariane’s thread, or, like I say, the fire brigade’s ramp, upon which the firemen slide to get inside their truck, and then, where the fire is happening. The fire brigade is our consciousness and the water is our energy. An emotion that is FELT brings our energy towards the block that started the fire so it can transmute it.
A litte example so you can understand better ?
If, at four years old, an other kid stole your favourite toy and the adult in charge did nothing, it is likely that you interpreted this event along the lines of « I do not deserve respect » or « no one will defend me if something unfair happens ».
And lo ! You have just created what we call a belief pattern, that is to say, a block that will kindle many fires in your life. As long as the belief pattern is in existence, all the new events will be perceived through its lens and it will trigger emotions such as despair, vulnerability, anger, etc.
A good therapist/coach/healer should tell you you need to FEEL these emotions, because they make you aware of the underlying belief pattern. Once you will have laid your finger on it, it will be very easy to just let go of it.
So, actually, the goal is not to « not feel » the emotion any more. It’s to find its cause and heal it. Then, no fire, no smoke, no emotion. Surprinsingly simple, eh ?
« But », my clients tell me (and I was there before them, so, I understand) « until this belief pattern is healed, every time it gets triggered, I’ll be upset ! Isn’t it like turning the blade into the wound ? »
Well, in a manner of speaking, yes. But we have a joker ! That’s where the principle of the non-stick pan comes into play !
If you are currently reading this article, you are now aware of how the mechanism work, you know that the beliefs that trigger your emotions are not true, even if they appeared so to your four-years-old-self. So, when the emotion is making itself felt, you know that it is safe to react differently now, instead of blocking it, choking it, smothering it. You can now feel it, and let it pass through.
Here’s how :
Interpreting our circumstances based on a belief equals judging them, that is to say, labelling them good or bad, dangerous or safe. The part of us in charge of judging is our conditionned self, who is a bit like a library of all our belief patterns, fears and repeating programs. It leads us to live on auto-pilot and to see always the same suffering in situations that are, in fact, different. But, we don’t have to view our current circumstances through the lens of our conditionned self, we can become curious and non-judgemental and switch to our authentic self.
Let’s imagine that someone is acting impolite, judgemental or plainly agressive towards you. That attitude belongs to them. It tells nothing about you and everything about them. There is no need to conclude that « I’ll never be loved » or « I’m worthless, this is why people treat me badly ». If you are in your authentic self, you will simply notice that this individual is being rough and rather unpleasant, and you will set healthy boundaries. But you won’t go in your library of judgements to once more feed your existing patterns. The event will slide gently through you, like tomato sauce on a non-stick pan.
Each time that you invoke your past and make the conclusion that you are re-living the same misfortune on and on and on, you are feeding your belief pattern. When your accept your experiences without judgement, they simply pass through you, without leaving a mark, without « feeding the troll » of an existing pattern.
So… Yes, you ARE going to feel emotions ! And it’s all for the best : that’s how you heal a pattern. But if you choose to be in your authentic self, you will skip the « I’m feeling miserable » step that is produced by the pattern. You are like a beautiful ceramic-coated immaculate non-stick pan. And you stay immaculate !
Any questions ? Wanna experiment this ? Contact me for a complimentary exploration session : email@example.com