Freestanding self-worth

Tosha Silver’s « the wild offering » card deck

Have you ever « used » others to make you feel better ?
I can say I have. A lot. My friends mostly.

A low self-worth can have us wear our friendships and our loves (however sincere and honestly spontaneous) like jewels : we think « look how they shine ».

We can also lean on our loved ones (siblings and parents as well as friends and lovers) because we believe we don’t have « what it takes » in Life.

And -the most classic one- we can have external self-worth. Which means that it fluctuates depending on your emotional/romantic circumstances. It leads to ideas and beliefs like « being single means that I’m not lovable » or « having a boyfriend/girlfriend much later than other people means there is something wrong with me ». 

All that is a produce of your conditionned self. If you dwelled in your authentic self more often, you would FEEL and KNOW that you are whole and precious regardless or any circumstance of yours.

I was thinking about this age thing yesterday. I had my first boyfriend (who then became my current partner) at almost 17. It was rather late compared to the other teenagers around me.

But why was that ? I’ll tell you why !

The teenagers at my junior high school, and then at my high school wanted EXPERIENCE. Having a boyfriend or a girlfriend was a bit like having the last fashionable pair of Nike trainers. It was like a ornament. Of course, they dated persons they found attactive, but most of the « couples » lasted a couple of weeks or months, at best. They were not based on deep, authentic connexion in general. I wasn’t interested in that. I didn’t see the point. So, I remained single until a young man with sincere interest for who I was appeared.

I lacked confidence for a long time because of my lack of a well-stocked « dating resumé », doubting even my discernment about my faithful partner. People older than me would say « but since you dated only one person, how can you know he is fine for you ? »

Well, in hindsight, I can tell that I had TONS of discernment, probably contrary to them. I just didn’t need to date like ten persons to know where I was standing. But low self-worth stopped me from seeing that I was fine. That is another shade of being insecure and needing externals to buttress a shaky self-awareness.

Stepping in your authentic self solves all these attachments and dependencies. You stand on your own feet. You no longer NEED people and things to be confident. You can appreciate them wholeheartedly, freely, and far more lovingly because you don’t fear the day they will be gone.

Stepping in your authentic self is a skill, it can be learnt. If I did it, you sure can do it too !